click your curser by the fish and leave them food to eat

March 31, 2011

Come out of the Darkness

"Come out of the Silence" came two weeks after my first poem. Out of the blue,  the Lord graciously placed it in my heart . In away I like this better than the first one I wrote. It talks of the struggle we have to share  our silent agony. 

The enemy of our souls would like nothing better than for us to isolate ourselves from others. It is there in that darkness that he speaks his lies, weaves his deception and entraps us in a continual pit of despair. 

We were never meant to travel the journey of life alone. And as hard as it is to reach out to others it is exactly what we need to do. 

I have come to realize when you shine light into the darkness of your soul by sharing with someone it helps to bring clarity to what the enemy has tried to do. 

When I need to talk I ask God to lead me to the person I need to share my troubles with. There is someone specifically meant to help. It has never failed.

I pray that those who are suffering alone that this poem brings a light of hope to you.

Come out of the Silence
by Kelly Ann John

Give words to your suffering and
watch them take flight,
come out of  the silence and into
His light.

The abuse you have suffered has
darkened your soul,
imprisoned you in a world, with no
where to go.

Years you have spent in silent pain
alone with your doubts,
alone with your shame.

How hard it has been to put a
smile on your face.
To hold it all together when you
felt  such disgrace.

But how does one learn to let it all go?
When there has been years of
allowing the anger to grow.

You have to open the door to the
silence within.
And allow the Lord to help
you begin,

To put words to your struggles to put
words to your pain.
So you can finally deal with the anger
and deal with your shame.

So give words to your suffering and
watch them take flight,
Come out of the silence and into
His light.

March 25, 2011

The Story Behind Inside the Garden of My Heart

I realized after I had posted my poem that the back story might be needed for those who do not know me. It might seem like just a simple poem to some but for me the unfolding of the lines have deep meaning.

It all began a few years back

There was a woman at my church who wanted to teach a class for women how to to cope with childhood abuse. Even though I was not sexual abused as a child she encouraged me to attend since I needed to deal with abuse suffered as an adult.

I will not get in to the ugly details, they will not serve a purpose here. I will say though, there were many tears and gut retching realizations I had to face. But God saw me through it all and I was healed of many deep seeded wounds. It was hard to go through but wonderful on the other side.

I need to explain something here before I go so on you can understand my prayer below. I am not a musical person. So where it says in the Bible to make a joyful noise before the Lord, that is exactly what I do I make a joyful "noise". I am at awe at those who sing and write songs.  I so wanted to express my love and gratitude for all Papa God did for me in just that fashion.

I still remember part of the prayer I prayed the morning of the last class. I feel led to share it with all those who stop by my humble blog

Father I am so grateful for how far you have brought me. I so wish I could express my love to you in a song. Father it so deep in my heart to want to bless you but I can't sing. I don't know how to put a song together.  All the good words have been taken.

I don't remember what else was said, but when I was done crying in gratitude before the Lord the words came for the poem. 

I so love Him

February 5, 2011

Inside the Garden of My Heart

Inside the Garden of My Heart
by Kelly Ann John

Come inside the Garden of my Heart.
I am not afraid to share,
about the damaged that once was done,
and God’s tender redemptive care.

I once denied that Christ could help.
I hid behind my walls,
there I thought I was so safe.
In reality, I was headed for a fall

So I face the loneliness of my soul,
despite the agony and pain.
And in that place I cried for help,
and there I faced my shame.

I allowed the Lord to shine His light
in the deadness of my soul.
It was there He planted seeds of life,
His tears watered them, so they might grow.

He walks with me in my Garden now,
and together we tend to the soil.
Each step of the way I let Him prune,
knowing this will cause me to grow.

No longer will I turn my back
on the matters of the heart.
For He is there to show His love,
and there His Grace imparts.

So come and see my Garden,
the gate is opened wide.
The beauty of the Lord is present there.
In the Garden of My Heart He abides.

January 10, 2011

Learning to walk again

My mother did hospice work in her younger years. She would still be doing it now if it wasn't for the fact it was so physically demanding. To care for someone's every need in the most dire time of their lives is a true calling. To be able to sit next to someone and watch them slowing slip away is more than most of us could bare. All the while helping extended families with the transition. I honor my mother for her gift.

There are caretakers who didn't ask for that job, nor do they get paid for it. Instead they selflessly took it upon themselves to be that angel in waiting for the person they love so deeply. My mother got help, she would work in shifts. That is not always the case for those thrown into a situation where there was not much of a choice.

My dear friend was one of the caretakers. She made the tough decision to leave here family here in Portland to spend the last six months with her dying father. She was everything for him. His nurse, his cook. Personal housekeeper, chauffeur. His confidant and friend. It was an all consuming 24/7 job. With very few breaks from the never ending demands that come with someone that is very ill. She thought of nothing else but making sure his last days were the best that they could be.

I was talking to God the other morning about her, how hard it must be to come back to the normal routine of things. I felt him say, its like learning to walk all over again. That made me ponder.

To watch a toddler learn to walk and titter and sway and promptly fall on their well diapered tush. They do it one step at a time.

My friend is learning to walk again one step at a time. She is walking once again as a mother with all the crazy scheduling that means when you have two very active girls. She is learning once again how walk as a wife since she is no longer the 24/7 caretaker she was just a few short weeks ago. She is walking into friendships once again not forgotten ones just ones that are picking up where they left off.

How hard it must be to take one step at a time back into life here without daddy.

I honor my dear friend for her courage and grace. She once again is a true inspiration to me as she is learning to walk again.