click your curser by the fish and leave them food to eat

December 31, 2009

what I pondered

One of the things I am aware of is how my life is wrapped around Jesus. I am nothing and I can do no good thing without him. The world around me with its sweet alluring falsehoods all its life draining temptations is trying to swallow me up. I can’t let this happen. The life walk as a Christian or better yet a friend of God is not always an easy path. It is hard not to be lured away. It shouldn’t be so easy to turn, I know that the God of the universe dances over me in love. He is the one whose thoughts are many towards me. How can I waver when he delights in every detail of my life? I want to be once again be consumed by His presence. I chose the path of the righteous and not the one of the world. I chose to run quickly away from the snare that would destroy me and into the arms of the one who loves me. I chose to be a daughter heir to the throne not another statistic of a lost soul. I chose life.

November 14, 2009

The Heart

I think it is interesting when I decided to name this blog, Inside the Garden of my Heart.It is not just a title that sounds pretty good, (well to me anyway) I realize it means so much more to me than I first thought.

To be able to reach deep in the depths of your soul and pull out words to just remotely describe your feelings, well it has been more challenge than I ever would have imagined.

The heart is where every thing evolves. Who you are as a person is seen by what is in your heart.

How you react to people and circumstances around you is clearly shown by your heart condition.

Your ability to have relationship depends on how open your heart is.

I wanted to feel completly, I wanted to experiance life to the fullest, I wanted to learn what it meant to have a relationship with our Lord.

I couldn't do that because I had a wall around my heart. There was a dark corner where no one could see. I allowed my untrust in the Lord to get the better of me.

But God is gracious and a gentle God. And he kept showing me until I saw the errors of my ways. And there in that place I started to take the walls down.

The journey began.........

November 5, 2009

Words

Words destroy....

I started blogging because I wanted to learn how to express myself. To put to words the thoughts and emotions that role around in my brain and my heart. I was intimidated by so many of you out there in blog land. That I struggled to put my thoughts down. It was excrutiating.

Then someone's words destroyed me. But only for a time.

Something was said almost a year ago that attacked who I was, extremely hurtful things were said so much so that it blew me out of the water. My life came crashing down around me. I allowed someone else words define me. I didn't know how to fight back.

I wanted to lash out to call everyone I know and tell them, "you know what so and so said to me?!" But I couldn't. I heard the gentle voice of the Lord say...keep your mouth shut! Do nothing to harm this person let me take care of this.

Oh man, this has been so hard to do. I am not one known to keep my thoughts to myself. But I obeyed. And I watched and waited, struggling with my identy, my sainity, my emotions. But slowly God revealed a side to this person who hurt me so deeply that I had never seen. A compassion and understanding came. And in that the Lord healed my wounds.

I realize now the only time you truly fail at something is when you do not get back up from your pit of despair and try again.

So here I am. Once again trying to put words to my many thoughts. But this time around I have an attitude change.

I am not going to worry how creative it sounds, or how expressive my words are. I want to write and if i struggle with it so be it. I will learn one word at a time how to unleash the well inside of me dying to come out. If you could only hear the scream deep inside my soul. Let me out!

So my words will be random, they might not make sense. But that is ok, God sees my heart He alone knows my desire, it will be through Him that I suceed.